Murphy's Laws on RPG's
- Micromanagment of specs leads to megalomaniac tools and munchkinism.
- Excessive detail in examples does not grant simplicity in game theory.
- The end of the world extends just a bit further into new adventures whenever book sales
start to drop.
- Munchkinism is contagious.
- The more I deal with my game master, the more I understand terrorism.
- A 500 credit weapon jams for one turn when you roll a one. The 50,000 credit weapon that
you saved for, for a year explodes.
- The adult great-horned dragon that nearly killed the entire party just gave all of his
wealth to charity.
- The Coalition will NOT reward you for returning that lost Mark V APC full of dead soldiers.
- The unidentified magic item will be exactly what you need, but you will be afraid to use it.
- The identified magic item will be absolutely useless, or only have one charge left.
- If you try using an unidentified magic object, it will do the exact opposite of what you need.
- The alien gun you are trying to use for the first time is pointed the wrong way.
- Never press anything that says "PUSH".
- Your 15th level locksmith will fail his roll to pick the only lock you've found in the
- The hold-out laser pistol you were saving for backup will be empty.
- The town full of friendly, charming people has an alien intelligence underneath it.
- There is no such thing as too much recon.
- There is no such thing as being too quiet.
- The one important fact will be the one the GM forgot to give you.
- Munchkins are great to hide behind.
- Collorary: Or even better to step away from (gotta watch those area attacks).
- That worthless, rusty sword you left behind was a disguised Sword of Atlantis.
- That worthless, rusty sword you brought along, just in case, is really a worthless, rusty sword.
- If you are the GM, the players will perform one simple action and ruin the adventure you
spent months to complete.
- The NPC you spent the longest time creating will be the first to die.
- The nasty trap you set between the characters and the treasure will be nullified when the
characters can't even find the dungeon.
- The one day that you get off to play will be the one day everyone else has to work.
- Corollary: If you're the GM, the one day everyone else gets off to play, you'll have to work.
- The PBEM game you spent weeks creating a character for will be canceled by the GM.
- You will be forced to cancel the PBEM game you finally started when you break your hand.
- As soon as you find a good role-playing group in your city, you will move to another state.
- The only role-playing shop within a hundred miles is out of the one book you need.
- The only role-playing shop within TWO-hundred miles will go out of business.
- The Coalition is a LOT bigger than you are.
- If the Coalition ISN'T bigger than you are, you have a problem.
- The rift you step through won't be the one you want.
- 1st Law of Fighting: Picking a fight with the Coalition is a bad idea.
- 2nd Law of Fighting: Picking a fight with Naruni Enterprises is a worse one.
- The huge, ugly, evil-looking monster you just destroyed was on your side.
- 1st Corollary: The bigger, uglier one you just ran into isn't.
- Amendment to the 1st Corollary: Neither is the cute little child with god-like powers.
- The mercenary army you join will always assign you to the most dangerous missions.
- The deserted town you walk through really isn't.
- The town you think is full of vampires really is.
- If collecting your bounty depends on returning with the monster's head, the head will be
vaporized in the fire-fight.
- If collecting the bounty simply requires you to kill the monster, another monster will
kill the person who hired you before you get paid.
- The tougher you are, the tougher the monster's the GM throws at you.
- The other PC's will not appreciate your "surprise" plan.
- The romantic interest you character develops is really an evil alien intelligence bent on
destroying all other intelligent life.
- There is no such thing as too much firepower.
- Missiles can only be fired once. Built-in energy weapons can be fired until you're dead.
- You will roll a 1 trying to dodge a natural 20.
- You will roll a natural 20 trying to dodge the 1 that the GM was hiding from you.
- You will run out of rations whenever the GM feels like it.
- The person assigned to bring the pizza will be sick and unable to play.
- Corollary: If no one is assigned to bring pizza, everyone will.
- You will never win a fire fight with a Naruni repo man.
- You won't be able to outrun him for long, either.
- Never, EVER call anything ugly.
- The higher the bounty on a criminal, the more body guards they'll have.
- Just because there are no rules for it doesn't mean it can't be done
- The GM knows exactly when your guard falls asleep.
- The bigger the gun, the harder it is to aim.
- The smaller the gun, the more your enemies will laugh.
- Replying "Yes" to most questions will get you attacked by half the bar.
- Replying "No" to the same question will get you attacked by the other half.
- The alley cat you just sacrificed for the PPE was a very irritable (and powerful) mage's familiar.
- Enemies never run out of PPE, ISP, or expendable ammo.
- Collorary : Some enemies never run out of MDC, either.
- The little kid you turned your back on was an evil, polymorphed dragon.
- The little kid you shot, wasn't.
- The little kid you shot WAS the kid of someone important.
- Like Emperor Prosek.
- The average distance between party members is equal to the explosive area of the smallest
missle it will take to kill the largest party member.
- 1st Law of Unidentified Objects: Never pick a fight with someone surrouded by Cosmo Knight Armor.
- 2nd Law of Unidentified Objects: ESPECIALLY if you think they're not a Cosmo Knight.
- No matter how munchkin you are, a good GM can top it.
- Never call faeries "Freaks of nature."
- Always use the munchkin to test the new toy out on. who knows? it might be s/hes one weak spot.<EG>
- Never call a borg a rusted tin can with legs.
- If you ticked off the GM recently... check your situation before firing a missile
(especially from a vehicle with armored windows).
- In the "No Weapons or MDC Armor" town, someone snuck some in.
- You WILL encounter him!
- The town's militia will NOT show up!
- Unless he was a prominent town member or related to one.
- Children with cute faces and big puppy eyes are some of the most dangerous beings in existence!
- Even at gunpoint players will avoid your carefully designed adventure.
- If a cosmo-knight shows up at any point buy bigger guns.
- The one NPC person killed will be the best buddy of the person you must save.
- collary: When the person you must save finds out you killed his/her best buddy. s/he will
open fire and you'll have to kill him/her.
- collary to the collary: this will tick your employer off, and s/he will have bodyguards and tanks.
- You will ALWAYS roll a natural 20 right AFTER you need it.
Trying to dodge the enemy's super mega-damage weapon, which he rolled a natural 20 for.
- Collary to above: Which you rolled a natural 1 for.
- The GM may always be right, but that won't stop a good Rules Lawyer from trying...
- A fantasy demon doesn't actually know what a plasma rifle is.
- Collarary: He doesn't know what a plasma grenade is, either.
- Collarary to the Collarary: Never send a fantasy demon to get you the former, as he may
well come back with the latter.
- In a Muchkin's hands, everything is a potential weapon. (Case in point, the Troll who
killed a sea-serpent in the water with a chicken foot.)
- When faced with an unarmed bandit in the woods, who informs the player characters of the
fifteen bowmen in the woods, said players will always think he's lying.
- Collarary: He usually isn't.
If you know of a rule that should be included here. Send it to me and I'll be happy to add it.
Murphy_RPG.php -- Revised: January 27, 2021.