The Multiverse

If you are going to play Rifts®, Remember The Following...

By: Steve Trustrum

Ok, here is some stuff that will hopefully make you all laugh.

  1. So what if not all CS troops are evil, shoot them anyways.
  2. Fusion blocks make great keys.
  3. Always test your latest TW invention BEFORE going into a fight.
  4. If the GM went through the trouble of making a full character sheet for the villain, you aren't going to kill him.
  5. If you don't have at least one psychic or mage in the party, you are STUPID!
  6. Never attempt a death blow ... hello! waste of an attack!
  7. You always get a 20 when you are trying to roll with damage and a 1 when you are trying to strike... Murphy rides again...
  8. Never trust a vampire who says he is a rogue
  9. Carpet of Adhesion is GOOD!!!!!
  10. Trying to distract Dog Boys with milk bones is never a good idea
  11. Trying to distract them with a cat is worse
  12. Installing giant speakers in your robot vehicle, then playing Iron Man by Black Sabbath when going into battle tends to make you a target.(I did this with a character once for personality)
  13. Never tell the GM you slept with his sister right before a gaming session.
  14. If the pay is low 'cause the mission is supposed to be simple, hold out for more pay.
  15. If the GM laughs maniacally as you sit down to play, have your PC start sleeping with a laser pistol under his pillow.
  16. Always kill the character of the player who passes notes to the GM before he gets you.
  17. When you want to use a certain weapon, it is too heavy, when the villain NPC wants to use it, he can use one in each hand
  18. Never go near a rift just after your GM buys a new worldbook
  19. It only works properly until your character tries to use it
  20. When you make a new O.C.C./R.C.C. it is stupid, when the GM makes a new O.C.C./R.C.C., expect the next 20 villains you run into to be one
  21. If you don't have a character in the party with a robot vehicle with a missile payload of 30+ missiles, get one...
  22. Wildfire around corners is never wasted ammo
  23. Most GMs don't appreciate a player groups spontaneous "side-trips" if he spent the past 2 weeks working on the adventure
  24. When in Mexico, paint and sew crosses on EVERYTHING!!!! even your underwear (don't ask)
  25. Turn troublesome fellow players over to the CS as soon as possible, you will feel better and your fellow players will thank you
  26. Stuff the GM makes himself automatically has the following as a special ability:
        -Ignore laws of Nature, Physics and Reason
        Range: self
        Duration: permanent
  27. While speaking to the GM, never start a sentence off with the following: "Well in MY campaign it doesn't work like that...."
  28. There is no such thing as an easy way to destroy a Death's Head Transport
  29. If you're a mutant and you want to go to Chi Town, make sure you have the following powers:
       -Intangibility
       -Invulnerability
       -Disregard Stupid Moves
  30. If a GM created item sounds to good to be true, it is munchkin
  31. Always fire one missile more than you think is needed
  32. A PC that takes the time to develop a battle cry is going to get the whole party killed
  33. A laser pistol with a +1 to strike is good
  34. A rail gun with lots of ammo is better
  35. A long range, reflex multi-warhead missile is best
  36. Never fire a mach 1 missile while traveling at mach 2
  37. Security locks on equipment the GM doesn't want the party to have aren't all that secure
  38. Dragons make good allies
  39. Dragons make worse enemies
  40. Splugorth don't like to be called ugly freaks
  41. The GM will do anything to keep bookkeeping to a minimum, even if the PCs must suffer
  42. It is amazing how many months those 2 weeks of rations the player starts with can last
  43. 2 words: RUN AWAY
  44. Principled PCs get the party into more trouble than evil PC's.
  45. Your invulnerable character isn't
  46. Players who quote the rules word for word, line for line, are always the first to die
  47. Dog Boys don't like to be called "Fido"
  48. Telling a vampire to "Suck this" is never a good idea
  49. Orc characters are ugly no matter how high their Physical Beauty is.
  50. Never take a newbie on a covert op.
  51. Never take a munchkin on a covert op.
  52. NEVER take a newbie munckin ANYWHERE!
  53. Never underestimate the value of groveling.
  54. When playing a Dragon Juicer don't plan a trip to Dracona.
  55. Just because a man says he knows where you can find (fill in the blank) doesn't mean he can always HELP your group.
  56. Trying to bribe a Cosmo Knight isn't a good idea.
  57. Neither is skipping a payment to Naruni Enterprisesl.
  58. When a dragon says leave, LEAVE.
  59. Don't walk around claiming to be a member of the Federation of Magic.
  60. If your going to fight against Pestilence bring bug spray.
  61. Trying to get in to see Splynncroth by saying "I'm an optometrist" may not be bright.
  62. When traveling through Mexico never tell the GM "Since the human body is 70% water and we are moving the vampires can't touch us" it just gets them mad.
  63. Selling your fellow players into slavery may be fun and profitable but it won't win you any friends.
  64. Bungee jumping off a Death's Head transport into a Xitixic hive with a Thermo-Nuclear bomb is not good (believe me I've tried).
  65. Picking on little Gargoyles only makes the bigger ones mad.
  66. Fairy folk are to be feared not laughed at.
  67. If a Dimensional Portal is in front of you, and a drunk Thor is behind you, take the portal.
  68. Psi-Hounds make bad pets.
  69. So do Splugorth, Dragons, Wolven, Gargoyles, etc.
  70. Never get drunk in an unfamiliar bar.
  71. Most dead PC's still have credits on their dead bodies.
  72. Breaking the law in Atlantis is good, Kreeghor space is not.
  73. Trying to flood Chi-Town with your Water Elemental spells can't happen.
  74. Hunting a Gene-Splicer can only lead to trouble.
  75. The Millennium Trees don't like it when you carve "Romeo loves Juliet" or "(blank) was here" on it's trunk.
  76. Stealing magic and rune weapons from a God is bad.
  77. Stealing magic and rune weapons from Atlantis is just plain stupid.
  78. Although running naked into the battlefield screaming obscenities is funny it rarely distracts the enemy from killing you.
  79. Never fire a missile with a 20 foot blast radius into a hallway only 10 feet wide.
  80. Never let the psionic hold the magic artifact.
  81. No matter how weird the creature is, or how weak it looks, do NOT take it on hand to hand.
  82. The best way to kill anything is from a long way away and with the absolute assurance that it won't be getting back up.
  83. It's grab your rifle, THEN look outside.
  84. No matter how good the plan seems, no matter how many troops you have backing you up, you are not going to take over Lone Star. (trust me...).
  85. Always check your field of fire (a character got shot by a Grenadier for not doing this a few times)
  86. Grenadiers shooting other party members makes great cover for sneaking up on the villian.
  87. Beheading villians when they are distracted by Grenadier fire isn't as difficult as it looks.
  88. Beheading villians tends to bring the group back into focus. (can you tell something like this happened recently?)
  89. Aimed shots are never as effective as called shots.
  90. Called shots are never as effective as a volley of mini-missiles.
  91. If it has Runes on it, leave immediately.
  92. If forced to jump through a Rift, remember to hit the ground rolling.
  93. When in the Engineering Compartment of a starship, make sure the controls are MDC before firing area effect weapons, no matter how big the group of bad guys is. (trust me again...)
  94. Do not insult the GM/NPC's/Other Players
  95. Don't jump into any large blue/white swirly thing without due protection
  96. When hit by MD Weapons, don't brag about the fact that your armour can take lots more of that.
  97. Anyone dressed in red/black is likely to try to kill you.
  98. Don't try any flashy moves/ways to get out of the situation when the other guy has a gun to your head. (Amazing how many people try this)
  99. Anything ticking and not clock shaped is genraly not a good idea to stand next to.
  100. Don't shout "Up Yours Prosek!" At a coalition rally (Another blunder)
  101. No matter WHAT you think, you are not invincible.
  102. "With subtlty" DOES NOT MEAN go in there wearing power armour and Anti-tank laser rifles.
  103. THE GM IS ALWAYS RIGHT!
  104. Remember that for all their cosmic power, Cosmo-Knights cannot detect evil.
  105. Remember for all their minor powers, many Cyber-Knights can detect evil, and will want to kill it.
  106. Good characters get the party killed more often than evil characters.
  107. When your GM has bought a new worldbook, the safest place to be is very far from a Rift.

Additions by:

Things_to_Remember.php -- Revised: January 27, 2021.