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The Curse of the Untimely Demise

By: FlashFire (chadu@pacifier.com)


The Curse of the Untimely Demise (Ritual)

Range: 20 feet, line of sight is required.
Duration: Instant and permanent.
Time Required to Cast: 1D6 x 10 + 15 minutes
Saving Throw: Standard, with a penalty of -5
P.P.E.: 420
Mystic Discipline Limitations: Only practitioners of African Witchcraft, Common Spell Magic, or Necromancy can learn this spell.
Level: 14

The Curse of the Untimely Demise is a legendary spell, reserved for those who severely annoy the spellcaster. It was originally created by a mage, named Poindexter Handler, who had both a short temper and a sense of dramatic irony. The spell picked up in popularity, particularly within Tolkeen and the True Federation, as mages found they had discovered the ultimate way to send those who irritate them into a justly deserved punishment.

Hanging like a cloud over the poor schlob it is cast on, the Curse exists to do one simple task. It kills the victim at the most inopportune and unlikely time. The Curse is always accompanied by a verbal or written warning (otherwise the Curse does not work). The warning will tell the victim what has happened and what will happen in the future. The curse then waits for an unlikely time to come along and strikes the character dead with no explanation or warning. Examples of unlikely times would be while on the toilet, in the middle of a date, and during successful business deals. The death is always painful and shocking, accompanied by sudden uncontrolled releases of bodily fluids and various gasses (methane, notably).

The Curse cannot be undone by the spellcaster, though most of the evil bastards who use this spell might tell the victim they can just to get them to do things for them. Standard methods for removing powerful curses will technically work, but the Curse always considers that a great time to kill the victim.

There is only one hope for the victim of the Curse: to risk death. The cure was discovered when a pissed off wandering Shifter cast the spell on the Crazy he was travelling with for constantly drawing enemy fire towards them both. Since the Crazy never stopped risking his life and the lives of those around him, there was never an unlikely or inopportune time for the Curse to kill him. His death was seemingly assured from the moment he awoke to the time he went to bed. He was eventually killed by a Vagabond who got lucky throwing a pair of chopsticks, but the Curse never got him in the seven years he lived with it. Naturally, this halted Tolkeen's plans to use a massive version of the spell on the Coalition States. Now that the cure has gotten out, the spell has become less popular. It is still used occasionally, though, since no matter what happens, eventually the victim will get killed.

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