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You know you have a problem in Rifts when...

Just a little reminder, you can never have too much of anything, just a lack of sense of reality. (no offense to anyone, just a funny list, I'm even guilty of many of these)

  1. Players begin asking how much M.D.C. a planet has.
  2. The Crazie of the party is on watch alone, at night, with everyone else asleep, and a Juicer Chainsaw at his side.
  3. (TRUE STORY) The dragon in the party is offered power (from the main villian of the campaign) if he eats an innocent woman (who gets dragged out)...
    ...and he does...
    ...and there's a cosmo-knight in the party (the exact words were "you do understand I'm under obligation to kill you now").
  4. I know this is true, I was that knight.
  5. When a group of PCs is given an ultimatum of, "Leave now, or die!" And the leader responds (without thinking), "Bite me."
  6. Party finds plot of a string of nukes litterd across the world, and they find the keystone nuke that will set them all off.
    "I attempt to deactivate the nuke."
    "Roll for success."
    *clatter*
    1
    "Hmmm..."
  7. When your players talk to their weapons more than they do each other (just ask the one guy and his staff, "Philipe").
  8. You discover Stormbringer, Mournblade, Excalibur, and the One Ring by the roadside. The Cosmo-Knight, Godling, and Heartless Immortal (with bonded Chi Spirit and positive chi tap) all get in to a fight over who gets which artifact.
  9. Samir Duran has joined the party, and he's standing watch...
  10. The weakest character is a Seljuk Cosmo-Knight with Bear Style MA.
  11. The party's Shifter shows off this neat trick of turning his head around 360 degrees.
  12. The Goblin with an IQ of 4 named 4-Ball is at the helm of a large crossbow throwing device and the firing button is a big, red, candy-like button and he simply must press it, even if it is aimed at his friends.
  13. The dragon hatchling of the party enjoys walking around saying "Beware the dragon, for thou art crunchy and good with ketchup!" even around a 15th level ancient dragon who wasn't all that fond of the party anyway.
  14. My favorate is always the Dragon. And I quote from one of my games. "come on its only a Dragon."
    The party was only 2nd to 3rd level and went hunting Dragons. This got really anoying so I let them find one.
  15. You suddenly realize that you've just let the psionic hold all the magic artifacts.
  16. The GM says "That's it!" and reaches for Xiticix Invasion.
  17. You suddenly realize that the GM is using the kind of traps that people would really use to keep others out of their crypts.
  18. The CS starts using psychics with Object Read to update their Wanted posters.
  19. You remember that the entire arena you've been waging a power armor battle in is hermetically sealed *after* you fired a volley of mini-missiles.
  20. The GM tells you you've been rifted to the Court of the Lord of the Deep. Which is at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Where the water pressure is a little on the high side.
  21. The player who always runs backstabber characters asks to play a Vagabond with the optional rules from Conversion Book One for Scholar/Adventurers.
  22. When all your players start working on rules for drunkeness and debauchery.
  23. Before you start the game, one player secretly asks the GM how many experience points he can get for killing other players.
  24. When the party that is gaming decides the old ones are not that powerful and can be summoned and controlled.
  25. When a party of supposedly good characters slaughters a town of innocents during a battle and they all agree that it was a good job.
  26. Ditto... With a body count of 12,760... All accounted for.
  27. The GM has no problem with you bringing in an NPC designed as a party controller into the current game as a villian.
  28. ...The same GM lets you have a backpack nuke with an electronic deadman switch even when you pull it out as a surprise.
  29. ...The above person gets hit simultaneusly by three super claymores that do about 20+ M.D. even though he is an S.D.C. being which completely decimates him and everything he is wearing.
  30. ...The GM roles a double ought to see if the Nuke on above persons back goes off.
  31. One of the players suggests that a lone frontal attack against a CS-NGR joint military expedition, and none of the others bat an eyelid.
  32. ...When the party starts making plans based on the assumption that the lone frontal attack will succeed.
  33. When you've just spent half an hour discussing the plight of the downtrodden in Chi-Town, handed out photocopies of research you've done about the common man in Nazi Germany, and gone into intricate detail on a description of the social expectations that a society like the CS would have from it's youth. And then one of the players says "Cool. Does that mean I can play my partial-conversion cyborg goblin with the crack habit in this campaign?"
  34. When everyone in the part is a multi-millionaire because they sold their old leader into slavery.
  35. When the party's driven halfway up the main street of Lazlo and you've just remembered about the "Fuck you all, Prosek be da MAN!" bumper sticker on one of their cars.
  36. When an entire six-hour gaming session came to nothing because they spent all day speculating about the troll in Vampire Kingdoms that looks like a Village People extra.
  37. When you leave the Vampire Kingdoms book behind, and the entire six hour session is instead wasted on pseudo-Freudian analysis of all those dick-guns Long drew.
  38. When you find yourself as GM saying "Yes, closer inspection reveals that the dead man has a bag of smack up his ass."
  39. When yet another six-hour gaming session is wasted, this time by someone who's played Macho Women With Guns trying to find one picture, just one picture in all of Rifts of a chick who's decently clothed, has small tits, and isn't better armed than a US postal worker.
  40. It's Rifts. It has to be true that all the women in the art (Ms. Tarn excepted) have to be Bikini Women With Guns. (two points if you caught that obscure reference.)
  41. When your gaming sesion seems like something out of Knight of the Dinner Table.
  42. Or even worse something from one of the Black Hands Gaming Society's games. <eg>
  43. Or your Gargoyle Mage has a boom gun... Hey
  44. Or about a real situation when I let my friend Guess GM cause I had to work...
    A phone call:
    Caller: (Estatiatic)... Guess what J. killed a Spulgorth...
    Me: What!: Why?: How?
    Caller: Well he cast two sphere's of annihilation, and got inside the Spoolgie... (Laughs) Me: You let him do what!
    Caller: Guess what...
    Me: What?
    Caller: He raided a Spulgorth Magical Armory, and we made off with *several* rune weapons.
    Me: How many, which ones?
    Caller: 3 Swords of Impaler, 4 Swords of Alantic and a Pair of Thunderer Rune Axes.
    Me: Bye.
    That's when you have problems!
  45. Your GM puts you through a scenario he based off the Evil Dead movies. (First time I've ever seen a borg in a fistfight with a zombie...)

This list was created by WildDruid@aol.com: Posted On: Dec. 2, 1999

Additions by:

YouKnowYouHaveProblemsinRifts.php -- Revised: March 24, 2007.